My whole life I’ve missed connection.
Connection to myself, to friends, to parents, to my sister, to my body, to my soul, to grandparents and cousins, to food, to clothes, to life. Right there in the middle of it. This might be a reason why I’ve decided to dedicating my time to understanding. To connect and try to be part of life. Not the stranger.
I believe that it comes form the early stages of my life. My mother was so protective. A strange type of protectiveness. Even if physically I could do anything, climb anywhere I wanted, break my neck if I please, mentally and emotionally I could not do many things. There were barriers. Unseen.
Playing, being young and not worrying about tomorrow?- Not for me! I have to work, I have to be strong, I have to help. Do not cry. This kind of thing. This is not an attitude many people relate to or hold on for long.
So what do I do now for the sake of real connection and human understanding?
I, LoveGenerator, choose to :
- take care of the words I use, when talking to me or to other people
- keep an open mind and accept differences (a Malaysian transsexual did my make-up during one job. I was so sad that day, he/she pointed to some grapes on the table, as if saying, take some, relax. I smiled and could finish that job).
- address open-ended questions and listen (How do you feel about …?)
- allow a two way traffic on the road to love, that is, learn to accept love and kindness
- learn the follow the flow of life, accept it as it is. (Tough one).
- be a professional listener
- not respond with acidity to inquisitive questions. Some things are personal and it is enough to say, this might not be your business, bro’! Another situation might be when you are busy, having something in mind that has to be done and different people are coming at you, trying to make conversation or asking for different things. I feel that in a situation of this kind it is wise to ask yourself: What is important for us now? Connection or getting work done? We might connect while working as well. Try to turn the conversation towards a common ground. People need this kind of hints sometimes. This might not be the best solutions in other situations. For example, a few months ago I was still on the Italian line, about to finish the late shift, four people in the office. Out of the blue one colleague started to cry. Sobbing heavily. Holy molly what to do? I can’t leave the phone unattended, can’t I? Oh, in that moment it was more important to be present with that crying colleague. I got up and went to her.
- see the rawness of living, not push it away ( for eg. hot dog’s shit picked up lovingly by the owners, people eating blood, people panting under the heaviness of their bodies, office air after 4 pm, same people in the same room, skirts flown by the wind, women walking around half necked wanting to be valued, men pissing behind the trees, men holding their penises out, skinned animals hanging head down, blood dripping, smell in public WC, open WC in small Chinese train stations etc…)
- understand why the fashion industry and beauty are switching off the brains to so many people. Shiny things attract attention by default. Eventually people look away. Most of the times blinded.
- not fall in the victim mentality. (There are moments, Oh yes they are.)
- provide for myself, do not be a burden.
- be a partner not something to carry around
- say, I don’t know.
- have my face clear, my eyes open and kind.
- wear no/minimal jewelries. They are distracting. (And a sick industry is behind them). People are responding to that image. The connection might not happen.
- wear no clothes that diminish the value and the meaning of the human body.
- wear no sunglasses when talking to someone.
- respond accordingly to the emotional state of a person. Sometimes silence is the best answer. ( If a person uses negative words against him/herself, I am so stupid, I do not laugh and let it go, I say instead, why do you think that?)
- be careful to the mundane situations when people think that anything is allowed and respond accordingly (Making fun of the absent colleague, dismissing the feelings of other people).
- understand my parents and my sister
- get interested in the source of things I use to live. Have the essential and some beautiful things. (I worked in small and gigantic Asian towns, performing in different shows. I saw those malnourished people, sewing clothes or caring all they had around the city, flooding the streets at lunch time, getting out of factories. I saw the drug addicted agency directors. I saw that and I can not imagine living a day of that life. Don’t want to contribute to that.)
- be in empty spaces
- do nothing sometimes
- talk to nature
- not judge
- stay still and listen
- watch colors
- observe nature
- when something bothers me, ask myself first, why does it bother you? How can I understand that aspect of you? ( Sometimes people push my boundaries with different questions or actions. What are doing? Where are you going? What are you eating? Who are you talking to Why? I do not like it. After a little meditation, I came to the conclusion that for me these questions mean lack of freedom, constriction, someone is trying to control me. For other people this might be their method of connecting. When people shower me with their negativity, can’t do that, did that but not good, can’t never finish anything, so clumsy…I also don’t like it. Because I don’t know what to say. For them this is the connecting link. But I don’t do negative talking. Not anymore. So there might be no connection between us. If I try to go deeper and ask the miraculous question Why ? They might get involved or back away. A winner strategy anyways.) 🙂
- value time ( use it in order to move towards love, feeling good, understanding).
- generate love everywhere I go (One small example: I always care to say hello, thank you, good bye at the market. I see too often the cashiers talking by themselves while the addressees are busy on the phone or lost in space. Miscommunication makes my heart ache).
- joke (guess who’s coming with me in the office tomorrow, to help me shake the boat?!!)
- use physical distance as a conductor, as a tunnel for evolving and transforming emotions. Relationships with different people may benefit from distance. There are no limits to love, understanding, respect and kindness. Only our willingness could be difficult to engage. Amor de lejos, amore de pendejos? I don’t think so!
- I choose to use my will wisely.