Start from the bottom

You might get married to someone who savours your body because this is the way you have learned that love comes in to you.

This is the way you have found your value at a certain point in time. You might even descart yourself of a dead unborn child. A dead cumulus of energy that did not come to accomplishment because it felt the radioactivity of the environment.

You might get married to someone who makes you feel at home or makes it easier for you to believe in life, in something good and whole and round. Someone who speaks for you and represents you on Earth.

The marriage might end when the sexual energy is gone. In the end, the separation brings forth, yet again, two strangers looking for love and happiness.

And they both might find that.

That was the purpose of it all.

You might also live for years and years with someone trying to apply the same beliefs again and again, even if there is no joy in doing so. But you might do it because no one told you, no one took you aside and asked: What are you doing? Why are you doing this?

You might also believe that going away from the “crime scene”, the place where you suffered the most is the answer. You might do it excellently , trotting the world in search for …what? Love, understanding, meaning, peace.

You might  carry the baggage of the past, a confused bundle of sweet and sour emotions, on your shoulders and ask how come everything is so difficult?

You might get so hurt that you don’t ever try again. You might get content and quite, little and unobserved. Stuck in a “stay safe” mode. This mental stuckness might be the cause for all your possible suffering.

You might go abroad looking for work, trying to survive. You might find work.Work your ass off, having what to eat, a warm place to sleep, the knowing that it will be just the same tomorrow. You even might help your parents, brothers and sisters, relatives. This might make you feel a good, accomplished person. The same tomorrow.

You might have already a good job at home. Enough responsibilities but not too much, your body to maintain and entertain and the same room as in fourth grade. Living in a strange symbiosis with your parents who don’t know how to say no. Parents most of the times don’t know how to say no, or how to push you forward kindly, to say this is enough my child, you have to get on your feet and walk.

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We are always on the road. How you do it matters more than anything…

You might fool yourself when saying that there is nothing to find if all this, the above mentioned, is possible. That it is then better to stay put and make no sound.

But I am here today to tell you, to inspire you to allow change into your life. Change of your interior, spiritual, mental container.

If you find yourself at a point in life now when you feel desperate or strangely quiet, or uncomfortably pinned into a life that is somehow yours, you don’t feel good doing what you are doing, you don’t feel fulfilled, I am here today to remind you to start from the bottom.

Start with doing the dirty work of really looking at yourself. What am I doing? Why? 

Forgive yourself for not being present, not having said what you felt like you were supposed to say, for not having had the courage to stand up for your real self. Forgive. Forgive all those who did not bring their, expected and needed, contribution into your life. They were part of your confusion.

Include your parents, your previous enemies, your loves, your previous friends who hurt in this healing journey. This is the very reason we all met here in this reality.  Open up, talk to them when you feel ready but please don’t let them out.

And try again.

And try again.

 

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