Many days were crossed out the calendar. Many thoughts have passed through my mind. Many feelings have nested in my heart.
There are a few convictions I’ve chocen to live this life by.
Intuitively or through suffering. My choices, as with any other decisions, are attacked on a daily basis, by lower range forces. The very act of choosing again, when confronted with the attacks, is my own truth.
This is the spiritual practice I follow.
I am sincere with myself and with the world
I have been in situations when I was not sure why I was there. I felt compelled by my own impressions of what other people wanted or needed from me. According to the culture I come from I have to be like this. The country wants me like this. The gender I have pushes me to act like this. The job , the money, the friends, the leaders, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly…
After a while one has to chose one thought and follow it.
I offer love. If love is not accepted at the moment, I offer acceptance, peace, space and silence. I am the Lovegenerator after all 🙂
When I talk about love I refer to:
acceptance of what is, seeing the light in any person, accompanying people during their darkness and not getting lost, and trusting that there is a meaning to everything, trusting that there is way out no matter the circumstances, seeing the beauty in people, praying for those who hurt (if they will heal, we will all heal), being present, seeing and listening for real.
I will give you an example. Here where I live now the buildings are quite close to each other. I live in a little building in small space. There is a smaller than smaller terrace. Well, this terrace is facing those of the many neighbours across the little street in this big big universe. The Romanian woman who has given birth to another child is giving me the most difficult time. And I know why.
What my non- loving mind, the ego, sees in her is exactly that what this mind finds most disgusting. Me and her were put to live in such proximity and intimacy (I can see what she does, she can see me) in order to learn to see the good. I really try and I now pray for her wellbeing even though I feel such negativity coming from that direction. I try to understand her situation. And mine. I have to address my negative thoughts about women( and me) every single day. That is a smart move,thank you God! There is no other way out of this but learning to see what is underneath the negativity. Her and mine.
I pray for her and thus I pray for me. For us. This is just one example of what offering love means. And it requires daily practice. No jokes about it.
God is universal love and I am his child
I know that using this rather religious notion (God) for universal love is off putting for many self declared atheists. I do understand why the atheists are atheists. I have been there for a short while, but I did not stop because it is such a dark place to be. That feeling of despair and nothingness pulled me forward, to look deeper. It is a life lived through the mind. An intellectual living only has no taste, no pain, no pleasure, no love. Just like a spiritual life only. We should strive for balance and integration, of one aspect into the other. The mind and the heart are not mutually exclusive, they need each other!
I chose God because it reminds me of my appartenance. This conviction is under attack every time I walk on the street or meet a new person. Attacked by beliefs in nothingness and faithlessness. I work everyday to remind myself that I am just a little part of an unimaginably vast work of love that is life.
I am here to see through darkness
And it is dark everyday.
The practice of bringing the light in the room, the situation, the experience, in front of someone lost and saying: Well, hello there! Look, I have light, you have it too, did you realise how far we can go if we join them? What they choose to answer is their choice. I just have to fulfill my destiny. This belief has been attacked so many times and that is why it has become so strong. I know who I am now and yes,I still I feel the pain when someone cuts through me.
And there is light everyday.
I am here to think like God thinks
That is why it is so important to follow a daily practice of reminding me all the above. Not because I have to keep myself away from the “pleasures” of life but because I know that my mind, just like my heart, is part of God’s mind. The ego, the non- loving mind, is completely absorbed by a bunch of unsubstantial things. It is so easy to follow it and to believe that everything is unsubstantial. That we come here to live our lives just like that, with no meaning to it.
God is the universal love who keeps ALL working together and he has a plan. So, I have a meaning.
I am here to act on God’s behalf
I am here to use my eyes, my ears, my hand, my legs, my life force to put into practice love’s thoughts.
Until next time ask yourself: What is my spiritual practice?
Whom do I pray for? How can I be the light today?