How to play while the world is crushing

When I pulled out the card to see what would the next exercise for me be, I was quite disappointed.

I picked this one out:

All-focus

I felt resistance towards this message. Yes, I do have my reasons, I am all alone in a strange country, working every day to make a life worth living possible (for me, there is nothing more fun than that!) dealing with deep shifts on a personal level. I felt as though ” having fun” was another thing to deal with.

That was a first, impulsive thought. I come from a world where having fun did not exist. There were moments when we, as a family, would stop to eat and sleep. Otherwise, all the other time was consumed by work, worries, constant tension and not enough. There has never been a family vacation when we would go somewhere together. Did not have this experiences at that time and not afterwards.

I kind of enjoyed this actually. Now even more. Being emerged in a life or death fight is fun for me, learning something is fun. Simply breathing is fun. That is why I can not see the point in doing something in order to get to the fun part.  I am already doing it! Why deviate?

All right, you get the point. The classic “Having fun” is no fun for me.

So, there I was with this challenge ahead of me. What should I do to make this happen?

First I thought deeper- what does fun mean for me? I found out that it means going though life with a child like attitude. Children are not afraid of expressing themselves, they are curious and natural. Even though I have been cultivating this kind of thinking and attitude for quite a few years now, this past week I decided to concentrate on it even more.

Let’s see what happened:

1.I asked a delicate question regarding work, to a client. I could have ignored that fact and pretend like it did not exist, but I am “fun” enough to know that all ignored little problems one day show up at you door as elephants.

The answer was positive, the client explained what was wrong and I understood where to add more attention. Cool, one down!

2. I agreed to make a painting for a colleague, who is actually going to pay for it! I have made, during a couple of months, a few paintings for myself and took them to the office. I wanted to create a beautiful atmosphere at my desk and to radiate joy and peace. It worked! This colleague approced me and asked for a painting!

3. I suggested to my supervisors where to place me in the team for the future, expressing my interests and my need to be active, feel and see an improvement in myself. A few years ago I would never have done this. I would not trust myself and let others decide, feeling the victim afterwards.

Also this one went well, they were so happy to receive the suggestion and guess what? I got it! I will be working in an area of my interest, one where I should be learning a lot!

4.I smiled without reason to everyone, targeting the passive aggressive colleague I mentioned the last time. Even though I like to crack jokes all the time, there are moments when  I get absorbed by something (fear, worry, pain) and I smile less. Most of my new colleagues have understood by now that I am a kind and funny human being, but work is my main drive, the one which is making all the rest more interesting.

It worked! Me and THAT colleague actually exchanged some words! Oh, how refreshing, I have been waiting for the relief to come. Relief from not know what the hell was I doing wrong which instigates that silent violence in her. In this case it seems to be a personal character and fears related thing.

Using my child like mind, I decided to drop it and just pretend, this time, that all is good, all is fine. I was not responsible anymore! Why did I even think that I am responsible for her behavior?

5.I walked through the rain and got soaking wet. This might have destroyed my only good shoes, but who cares! That was soooo fun! The sky burst open, it was about 7 PM o’clock, the wind was blowing, it got quite dark. Prague was empty. My streets as well. Clusters of people hanging there and there, waiting.

6. I wrote my sibling, even if she does not replay. Don’t know why. All I know is that children never give up wanting to be friends with someone. They do cry when falling or rejected, like me, but then they try again.

7.I decided to learn a new creative thing, will let you know about it in time!

Conclusions:

“Having fun” does not have to be a special thing you go out and do at a special moment, with special people. It isn’t either letting yourself indulge into something without regrets( that it avoidance).

It is rather living curiously. It means falling. Crying and trying again as if nothing happened. And that is how life comes into being.

Until next time, define your fun and do that, it works!

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